Metro Moms

Hugging My Teenage Son...Even in Public

My oldest was 13 or 14 at the time.  Josh had always been very responsive to my affectionate initiative.  A couple of years earlier a close friend had commented on how sweet it was to see him greet me so warmly when I picked him up at her house after some time hanging out with her son.  I had been blessed with a close relationship with him -- so important to a mom of a son!

But one day I noticed a subtle change.  We were walking through the mall with siblings in tow and I happened to end up alongside Josh.  I did what came naturally to me and put my arm around his back like I had done many times before.  (I remember when I started noticing I could no longer drape my arm across his shoulders as he grew too tall...it happened so quickly...)  Rather than return my hug with one of his own as he typcially would, he stiffened slightly. 

"Hmmm," I thought to myself.  "Is it happening?  Is my son embarassed to be seen walking at the mall being affectionate with Mom?"  A picture flashed into my mind of Dad picking me up from a school event in 7th grade.  He greeted me with "Hi Princess!" followed by a hug and a kiss on the forehead.  My friends were standing around and I was embarrassed...I felt young and wished he had just blown the horn from the curb like other dads.

Soon thereafter I asked Josh about what happened.  I wanted him to feel the freedom to be honest with me and let me know he'd rather me not hug him at the mall anymore.  I knew there would be sadness...but I would have understood.  I wasn't sure he had even noticed me withdraw my arm and busy myself with a younger sibling.  Or that he would be able to admit to me that he'd rather me not be affectionate with him in public.

Our conversation was indeed a milestone.  When I started the conversation I learned Josh had noticed my withdrawal.  When I asked if he was uncomfortable he admitted that yes, he was.  Then when I asked if he'd rather me not be affectionate in public anymore he paused.  "No, Mom," he responded, after what seemed like minutes to a mom who knew this was an important chat with her adolescent son. He went on to explain that being uncomfortable with his mom putting her arm around him at the mall was just an evidence of his pride.  "So it's fine, Mom.  You can hug me anytime you'd like."

I remember looking at his adult-looking face that day and wondering where the little boy went.  But mostly I remember the joy of watching my son allow the Spirit of God to search his heart in those moments of pause.  God showed him that sin was at the root of his actions...and he humbly admitted this to his mom. 

It was a wonderful conversation for me.  I  got to see the Holy Spirit at work in his heart right before my eyes.  And I was invited to keep on being affectionate with him...even in public. 

Posted by Sheree

Savor that Smile

There is something about your first child that makes you really anticipate those milestones. Smiling, rolling over, crawling, walking.  There were times with my first child that I was so anticipating what was going to happen next that I wasn't truly enjoying what was happening at that moment.  The Lord taught me something with my third baby.  Things were so different!  Everything was in slow motion.  The first time I got to hold my baby was when he was two days old.  But that wait made the moment much sweeter.  I will never forget that Emily Jessee was there, how small he was, what he smelled like, the bundle of blankets that weighed more then he did, even the pain of seeing tons of tubes and wires attached to him. I don't actually have a picture of this moment but it is vivid in my mind.  Smiling was the same way ~ 13 weeks we waited, but I tell you nothing melted my heart like that first smile. It was truly precious. 

I think one of the biggest things I learned from having a premature baby was how much of a gift every moment is.  The Lord even helped me savour those late nights!  I wouldn't trade them for anything! I have enjoyed motherhood like I never thought I could. 

There are tears in my eyes as I write this ~ tears of overwhelming gratefulness to God for the gifts he has given me, ones that I truly do not deserve!  So sit on the floor with your kids. Watch, listen, laugh.  Savor the first time they tell a knock-knock joke, or they lose gracefully at Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh, or have a party (like we did) when Joseph walked!!!!

Yes, milestones are given to enjoy and to celebrate God's faithfulness!

Posted by Taraleigh

Milestones = Reminders of God's Faithfulness

Milestones have always been reminders for me - reminders of God's faithfulness.  They are a mixture of excitement for my children's achievements and gratefulness to God!  You may remember from one of my past posts that my oldest son has a condition called Hydrocephalus.  The Lord graciously allowed us to catch the problem before any damage was done to his brain.  Our doctor has always been very optimistic about Caleb's future and has never anticipated any problems.  Yet we didn't know for sure and we still had to wait and see. 

I can't tell you the excitement and joy that filled my heart as he took his first steps, began to talk, etc.  Now he has just finished Kindergarten and is beginning to read!  He has hit all of his milestones right on time!  That is so amazing to me and truly a miracle!

Like Elyse mentioned last week I, too, am reminded of men in the Old Testament, specifically Abraham, who would build an altar in each place that the Lord had shown Himself faithful.  These altars would serve as reminders of what God had done for them.  That is kind of how I see these milestones (even the small ones) - as markers of God's faithfulness to our family.  It makes me want to stop and worship Him for the unmerited favor that we have received. 

What are those markers in your family's history?  I hope that as you reflect on those things that the Lord will draw you to a place of worship and gratefulness, too!

Posted by Stephanie

The Day

Today you will hear from another mom of adult children.  Although this blog is primarily for moms of young children, hearing from moms of older children can bring hope, perspective and counsel.  Remember, in the blink of an eye your little girl will be a young woman...

This was originally written on May 18, 2005.  I post it to share with you and to glorify God once again for this tremendous milestone in my daughter's life.  It is a time I will never forget...love, Debi.

I awoke this morning feeling the weight of time. As the days dwindle down until “The Day” is here, I am realizing how small I am, and I am tempted to fear. Tomorrow is uncertain; I have no guarantees. Yet, look at how God is faithful – always so faithful to me. I am happy, and I am sad. The regrets crowd my thoughts of what could have been, although I have more confidence in what God has done than in what I did not do. This is the strength that brings me joy. It upholds me when I want to fall. And it makes me smile, when the tears build in my eyes.

Yes, my daughter is getting married in nine days! Nine days!! When she was born 10 days late, how well I remember that 9^th day waiting for her to arrive. Now it all seems surreal – that in nine days I will let her go, and she will become a Mrs. in her own right. There are no epidurals that can numb this pain. It is deep, yet rewarding, like the birth of a child. For 21 years she has been my focus and daily concern. I have prayed that she would make right choices and follow hard after God. I have prayed for her husband for years – who now has a name and a face. I am delighted at how good God has been to me, and most of all how good He has been to her.

First a baby, then a toddler, we taught her everything she knew. Next it was home schooling that became our passion, and the preteen years kept us busier than we ever expected. In high school we cheered at every ball game, and we were there for each milestone of her young life. Praying, always praying for God to form in her the likeness of His Son.

I will soon walk down the aisle escorted by my son, as Mother of the Bride. I will look into the faces of all our friends and family gathered to celebrate with us, and for a moment will realize with deep gratitude the influence they have had on my little girl’s life. If it weren’t for the church functioning in our lives the way God intended, I wouldn’t be walking with my son at this moment. It will be a walk of triumph, not in my accomplishments, but in God’s faithfulness.

Then, the music will stop. The candles will flicker. Everyone will rise and turn as my husband of 26 years, who I love more than I ever thought possible, will begin his final walk with her at his side. Such a godly man! He has led her for 21 years. He has been her hero and the one who has shown her by example what a Biblical husband looks like. He has guarded her heart diligently, and his moment to give her away to another awaits him at the end of this walk.

My daughter has grown into a beautiful woman of God! On this day there will certainly be tears, but they will be tears of rejoicing in what God has done, and tears full of great hope for the future.

My life isn’t over by any means; I am just finished with one chapter, a chapter that I loved so much. Like finishing a book brings great satisfaction in seeing how all the events come together; I am in awe of how perfectly God has led her to this milestone – Her wedding day. He is the One I celebrate as I count down the days to “The Day”.

Posted by Debi

"I Love to Read"

Homeschooling is a term I had never heard of prior to becoming a Christian and joining a church where many families educate at home.  I had attended formal institutions for all of my schooling, beginning in preschool.  My degree from college was in sociology with a concentration in geriatrics.  I had planned on working with the elderly as a career; the Lord had other plans =).

Todd Twining came into my life before I completed my degree and we married and had a child 14 months later.  (I waddled across the college stage at 8 months pregnant to receive my BS degree in gerontology at age 28 that I would not be using...God indeed has a sense of humor!) The topic of homeschooling was discussed while Michael was still in diapers, and we decided to begin schooling him at home at age four for preschool.  I was going to be a teacher =) !

During the last 8 years God has strengthened my convictions regarding homeschooling and I am truly grateful to be teaching my children.  One of the things I have endeavored to impart to my children is a love for learning.  My oldest has had some learning challenges, so having him at home has enabled me to spend the additional time necessary for him to progress through his studies.  "Love" is not an adjective I've ever heard him use related to schooling because it has been so challenging at times.  But, God is faithful!

This year, after he completed one of his first classic novels and wrote a short paper about the book.  He wrote the following words in the margin of his paper in his usual artsy style in bold print, "I love to read."  My heart was overflowing with joy as I saw these words.  God had done a work in my son's heart.  God has used this milestone to encourage me not to grow weary in schooling him.

Sometimes I'll find him reading to his brother, and actually enjoying it =).  Last week I came out of my room to find him seated at the kitchen table with his father with a cup of coffee and a newspaper in his hand.  "He's enjoying reading," I'll think to myself as I enjoy the scene.  This gives me faith for the other milestones we believe God would have him reach, and gratefulness for the ones that already have been reached.

Posted by Michelle

Indelible marks

What is a milestone?  Webster's 1828 dictionary defines it as MI'LESTONE, n. A stone set to mark the distance or space of a mile.  When I read that, I thought it was such an appropriate way to think about those significant events in my children's lives.  They are not measured in miles, but they are like stones set in my mind and heart to indelibly mark points along the way of the wonderful journey we are on together.  I am reminded of how in the Old Testament days they set memorial stones to remember significant events.  The ways we celebrate these milestones, however big or small, are the stones which help me to remember the faithfulness and kindness of God to me and my family.

During the first year of my children's lives, the milestones came so quickly.  It was a never-ending series of "firsts."  Each year they seemed to get farther apart, but they still come in both big and sometimes small and surprising ways.  So often, I find myself amazed at God's kindness to me to allow me to experience these times with my children.

Maybe my past struggles with infertility, miscarriage and the death of my daughter cause me to ponder these things a little more than the average person....  Once again at Mother's Day this year I was overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness to me.  I am a mother, I have three children here that He has entrusted to me.  It was ten years of trying before I had a child with me on Mother's Day.  Maybe that is why each small thing seems so priceless.

Sometimes, each day He gives me with them is a milestone.  Why has He allowed me this privilege?  Only because of His grace and mercy.  The gratitude I feel in my heart is difficult to explain.  What could be better than seeing Emma try to dance during worship, listening to Hope learn to read or praying with Matthew to become a Christian?   He has given me these children and He continues to allow me to celebrate these milestones in their lives.  They will continue to be big and small, joyous and sometimes challenging.....But as long as the Lord wills, I will continue to see His faithfulness and rejoice with a heart filled with gratitude at the continuing milestones in their lives.

Posted by Elyse

Jesse's Graduation

For the next two weeks we'll be sharing stories about milestones in our children's lives.  The purpose isn't to draw attention to ourselves or our children, but to God's grace in their lives.  Whether it's something as simple as potty training or as significant as this first testimony, we can celebrate God's faithfulness in their accomplishments -- big and small.  May this series remind you of both the joy of motherhood and the thrill of entering into the happy milestones in our children's lives.

It was the spring of 1985 and Benny and I had been asked to speak at a parenting seminar.  With four children ranging from 6 weeks to just 7, we were already feeling pretty unqualified to be teaching others about parenting!  The night we were leaving to do the first session, God saw to it that any vestiges of self-confidence were shattered.

Our almost 2-year-old son, Jesse, decided he didn't want us to leave that night and he threw the first of numerous violent temper tantrums.  As we were walking out the door giving him hugs and kisses he suddenly started screaming, then fell onto the floor kicking and writhing.  After trying unsuccessfully to comfort and calm him down, my mom told us to just go ahead and leave so we wouldn't be late. 

When we got into the car we wondered if we should not show up for the parenting seminar. :-)

For several years following this incident Jesse threw numerous other tantrums -- at home, in the floor of Toys R Us, at the Sunday meeting, and yes, in the lobby of Metro Life Church after we had just completed a parenting seminar when he was three. At that time we were apart of a church in Virginia with no thought of ever moving to Orlando.  I remember walking into the lobby after the Sunday meeting that morning to a crowd gathered around an angry, screaming child and humorously suggesting, "Ummm...someone might want to go and find this child's parents!"

Today I am in Gaithersburg, Maryland awaiting tonite's graduation of the Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastor's College Class of 2007.  Eighteen men have spent the past 10 months in intensive study and training to serve as pastors in churches throughout the states and in Wales.  Guess who one of those graduates will be? 

Benny and I remember nights when we cried over him.  We prayed over him.  We wondered what would happen to the stubborn, willful, angry toddler who caused us to feel so helpless and inadequate.  One day as I was driving alone in our big 15-passenger van weighed down with concern for him, the Lord spoke reassuringly to me that the passion with which he sinned and threw tantrums would be harnassed by God into passion for worshiping His Savior.  I will never forget that day...or those comforting words.

So tonite I will sit by his dad and marvel at God's mercy and grace.  Jesse will be commissioned to go and serve the local church with the training and instruction he has received this past year.  His mom will be thinking about that day 21 years ago when I pulled onto the side of the road unable to continue driving because I was overcome with emotion.  The day when God put faith in my heart that it wasn't about my parenting, but about His power and grace.  I was weak.  I was afraid.  I was training and disciplining him with no apparent results.  But in my weakness God broke through to bring hope and peace and faith.

And where will he serve?  His office will be right next to his dad's at the Metro Life Church building.  That temper-throwing toddler will now be a pastor-in-training for the very church where there are people who remember his angry tantrum over two decades ago. (Ask Don McGee...)

But tonite isn't just for our family.  It's for you, too. Do you have a child whose spiritual condition or sinful behavior is weighing you down?  Do you carry concerns about a toddler who seems unresponsive?  Are you weary from training and disciplining your child with no apparent fruit?  Then be comforted by Jesse's story.  It's a story of God's power to change a child's heart from a willful and stubborn passion to sin to a tender and genuine passion for Him. 

So today I'm thinking of you.  I have faith for your stubborn little toddlers because I've witnessed with my own eyes the amazing power of the gospel in the life of my Jesse.  In fact, I have a special place in my heart for toddlers who throw tantrums and keep their moms on their knees crying out to God for help. (Yes, Jaime, I'm thinking of you.) 

Tonite is a night to bask in the redemptive mercy of God for a family who is very undeserving.   I can't wait to see the milestones that will come in your children's lives someday as God's power is made known in their lives...and yours.

Posted by a very amazed Sheree