Good Morning Ladies,
Today's post is a bit longer than usual, but it is straight from the heart and life of Sheree Phillips. She humbly explains a scenario from her own marriage that I believe will challenge us and encourage us at the same time. Please don't forego reading this to the end. If you haven't the time now, print the page and take the time later. It is wonderful to talk about romancing our husbands when our ship is sailing full speed ahead, but this post will help you navigate the ship of romance when the waters are choppy and you'd rather stay on shore. Thank you, Sheree, for the way you invest in all of our lives as women, wives and mothers. We are changing because of the way you lay down your life to serve us faithfully month after month.
During challenging times in my marriage -- especially when it appears Benny is the greater sinner than I because of admitted failure or sin on his part -- I have too often struggled with loving and romancing him. Of course, I say "I forgive you." After all, I'm a Christian and when someone asks for forgiveness I know I need to extend it. Due to longstanding pride and self-righteousness in my life that I was blind to for the first 10 years of our marriage, I regularly held his sins against him. I didn't see myself as "the chief of sinners" but elevated his sins as more serious than my own. I simply thought he hurt and disappointed me more than I did him. When he sinned against me I left it to him to repair the damage. While I pouted and punished him with subtle (and not so subtle) demonstrations of my arrogance and "prove to me you're really gonna change this time" self-righteousness, I waited for him to essentially win my heart yet again.
I remember the night some years back when God began to change my heart. In our 33 years together Benny and I have rarely had heated conflicts, but that night was bad. My anger and his defensiveness created a painful argument in our bedroom that night. We came to a standstill and Benny decided to go to the living room to pray and ask the Lord for help. I laid in bed seething and feeling sorry for myself. Gratefully, the Holy Spirit broke through my stubborn pride and gave me compassion for my husband, a fellow sinner who was in need of a demonstration of the gospel from his wife -- also a sinner. After awhile I walked from our bedroom down the hall. I was stunned to find my husband asleep on the couch! How could he fall asleep with our conflict still in the air? I was sure that while I was back in our room repenting and asking God to change my heart, he was doing the same!
As I stood in the hallway I knew there was a decision before me. Would I retaliate and harden my heart? Would I disregard the gracious compassion the Lord had given me for my husband just minutes ago? Would I give in to the temptation to become bitter and accuse him of not caring about our marriage because he was falling asleep while I was wrestling with God? Was I really willing to demonstrate the gospel to him? To allow God to give me the power to love him despite his recent sin against me in response to being declared "not guilty" by the One against whom I had committed sins too numerous to count?
By God's power and grace, He helped me to make a choice I had rarely made before in our marriage. He helped me to express biblical love to my husband. I didn't withdraw to our bedroom and allow bitterness to take root in my heart. I woke him up to confess my pride, disrespect and self-righteousness. I told him I understood why he wanted to sleep because of how I had wearied and exasperated him. (Remember in Matthew 26 when Jesus asked His disciples to pray for Him during his moments of greatest anquish? They, too, had trouble staying awake.) I affirmed my love and passion for him and went back to bed together.
For the days following I asked the Lord to help me to "bear fruit in keeping with my repentance" by speaking and acting in affectionate, playful ways. I had never understood what "demonstrating the gospel" to a fellow believer meant until that week. I wish I could say I have consistently responded like this since then. I have failed many times. But that week was a turning point in my marriage. The Lord taught me that He can give me the power to say "no" to my propensity toward stubborn pride and self-centered demands when times are tough. The truth is, my husband has had much more need to be a patient spouse than I have!
Are you struggling in your marraige right now? Pray. Has your husband sinned again you, possibly repeatedly, in ways that tempt you to be discouraged? Pray. Like me, have you seen his sins against you as more serious and hard to forgive than your sins against him...and against God? Pray. Maybe today is your day to stand in the "hallway" of your marriage and say no to bitterness and self-righteousness and romance your husband through this challenging time.
